There are many approaches to meeting women, and sadly the most common approaches are pretty bad. There is no magic pill that can be used in every situation.  You have to learn to adapt to be yourself around girls.

Some dating “gurus” teach gimmicks like card tricks and “hey hold my pictures” gimmicks as openers for approaching girls. So you decide that you want the same success they have and to do that you should naturally emulate what they do, right?

Not always…check out these potential scenarios:

So you walk over to a group of girls, and you say “I’ve got a good card trick for you guys. Want to see it?” So you do your clever trick you learned.

Then the target girl you’re flirting with will ask you how long you have been doing card tricks, and you would most likely answer honestly and say you just learned them. The jig is up and you’ve been exposed as the geek that you really are.

Or you may use the other gimmick you learned where you ask a woman to hold some pictures for you (even though this action in of itself is kind of odd, agree?) These pictures are of you doing cool stuff and/or with beautiful girls. The theory is that when she sees them it will buy you some social proof, meaning you will have more social value to her.

Now if you are a magician by trade or you regularly hang out with models because it’s part of your profession, by all means do this stuff!  If by day you’re a gamer, awaiting the release of Diablo III or passionate about exercise and interested in tweaking your diet then maybe these openers don’t quite fit into your reality.

You’re trying to be someone you’re not, as we know this can cause problems further down the line. You’re not card trick guy or hold my pictures of hot chicks guy. You need to be yourself when you’re around girls.  Women have a sixth sense when it comes to detecting guys who are BSing them.

These gimmicky openers come off as lame because it’s clear they are planned.  The best openers are whimsical and don’t require elaborate planning.  You need to be in the moment and live in the now to be yourself around women.

You have to be yourself.  Learn to be comfortable in your skin and create openers that make sense with who you are and your reality.  You have to develop your own style of connecting with people and creating relationships.

There is no one-size fits all prescription for all situations when it comes to approaching girls and what to say.  You need a build a solid confidence foundation.

After that you should get out a notebook and start brainstorming some simple, teasing, funny things to say or do that fit with your personality.  The reason you want to do this is so you at least have a couple default things to say if you’re mind goes blank.

Go to places where you will find girls who will have the same passions that you have.  I.E. Don’t go to the dive bar to meet a classy woman.  Go to Barnes and Noble on Friday night to meet someone with a brain.  Go to a yoga class to meet a woman who is flexible (always a plus).

Learn to be you in many different situations.  Try new classes, do new stuff. Don’t let yourself fall into the same routines over and over.

You want to make yourself distinguishable from the herd. You don’t want to be the Wal-Mart of the dating world (same old shit, different geographical location).

Strive to become who everyone else wants to emulate.

Be yourself.

-Gary

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Self-Confidence attracts women. Self-confidence is always an attractive quality to the opposite sex (or same sex if you swing that way). Women feel more comfortable around self-assured men. On an instinctual level, they want a mate who is strong and will be able to defend and take care of her. You project this ability with having high self-confidence.

Self-Confidence is a trait that can be learned and cultivated. Most people are not naturally self-confident. They had to learn how to do so through life experience. They have basically learned how to excise negative thoughts and become the best person they were meant to be.

No one wants to be around someone who is negative and self-defeating.  How does a guy that isn’t great looking end up with a 10?  Self-Confidence and personality strength.  A man who exudes self-confidence rubs off on those around him and is someone people want to be around.

It’s key to be open and relaxed with women.  You have to be in control of your world.   This means that you are relaxed, not fidgeting, using strong body language and having fun.

This is one of those things where you can “fake it ‘til you make it.” Even if you don’t have much self-confidence, pretend that you do and act like you do. Your actions will eventually meld into your personality and just become what you are.

Simple example: If you’re feeling depressed, stand up tall, slap the goofiest grin on your face you can possibly muster, pull your shoulders back, stick your chest out and then try to still feel depressed.  It will be a lot harder because your body is no longer in a depressed state.

-Gary

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What they say is true, nice guys always finish last.  The cocky, humorous, jackass will of course never have a problem with picking up women.  Why is this true?

Here are three ways being a “nice guy” will kill your chances of attracting women.

1. You appear boring. Nice guys are usually way too quiet, spineless, and flat out wimps.  They come across as weak and lacking confidence – this is doom when trying to attract women.  You may be the shoulder to cry on, but you will never get ass if you don’t change your ways.

2. You’re always available. Nice guys will do whatever it takes when you need it to make you happy at any whim.  Women are not attracted to things that are very available. Why do women love jewelry? Because it’s hard to acquire.  Think of yourself the same way.  Women are attracted to men who are not always readily available.

3. You’re awkward. Nice guys tend to not be described as “smooth talkers.”  They tend to be way too socially awkward for women to even be remotely interested in them.  They are very self-conscious, avoid risk taking, and play it way too safe for women to find attractive.

Stop being so nice, stop seeking female approval, stop being the shoulder to cry on.

-Gary

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1. Why Shy Guys Can’t Get Girls

Dating and meeting women for shy men can be quite a harrowing experience.  You may feel like you will never find a date while your friends whip through girlfriend after girlfriend.

Shy guys tend to enjoy explaining to everyone how amazingly nice they really are and how well they would care for a girl if they had one.  In the game of dating, overly nice guys usually finish dead last.

First of all stop saying that you’re shy and nice all the time.  It makes you look like a wimp.  Women aren’t going to wait for you to stop being shy and make the first move, from approaching to the first kiss.  If you can’t get over your shyness you may never get a long term girlfriend.

Being shy and un-assertive also makes you appear more feminine and less masculine – not good.  It’s generally acceptable for a woman to get away with being shy, but it unfortunately doesn’t work for guys when it comes to attracting high quality women. If she can feel like she can walk all over you there will be no attraction.

No one is going to do the approaching women, talking to women, and making first moves for you.  You’re going to have to crack the shell man.  It makes you look weak.  To attract women, you need to appear dominant and strong.  Not just physically, I mean mentally, socially, and emotionally.  A woman needs to know she can count on you and a shy guy doesn’t project that.

-Gary

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1. Heed the advice of the people who really know style. Don’t let your style be influenced by your mom, dad, girl your dating, or wife unless they really know what they’re talking about.  Read the advice of the experts on web sites such as askmen.com, GQ,  mens fashion on about.com then pick and choose what you like so you own it.  The cool thing about doing this is that no matter what you choose, you can’t go wrong (in most cases see #2).

2. Make sure that the new clothes you buy (based on the looks you found in the above websites) that you feel comfortable wearing them and it will still suit your personality. Obviously, just because an anorexic model is wearing something doesn’t mean you should.  You wouldn’t want to look like this guy, common sense still has to apply here. Stick to the classics when in doubt.

3. Style is about more than what you wear. Put the same set of clothes on a guy who is in shape and the same set on a guy who has a rounded back, button busting gut, and a concave chest, no matter how you slice it the guy who is in shape will look better. Getting in shape = better looking clothing fit. Make it yours – roll up the sleeves, use a cool belt, un-do a few buttons, etc.

4. A big part of your style is how you handle yourself and your day to day attitude. It’s not just about your clothing. Do you bitch to your co-workers and friends all day about your personal life frustrations? Or, do you do your job or hang out, and have fun with it? Who do you think will appear as the cooler guy? The one who keeps his head…or the one who loses it every 30 minutes and acts like a little bitch?

5. Get a decent pair of shoes, it is often the first thing a woman looks at to figure out your financial status. Women pay attention to the details! This is the one part of your outfit you don’t want to be cheap with.

Action Plan: Go to linked sites, find one new trendy outfit, buy it, and make it yours.

-Gary

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She’s hot and before you know it you’re stuffing your hands into your pockets and just making weird movements while talking to a woman. You need to eliminate this and all forms of submissive body language to make yourself appear more confident and attractive.

When you see an extremely attractive woman, you want to meet her, yet you have anxiety. You have conflictingly high levels of both fear and attraction, chances are you will approach with submissive body language and shrink your chances of succes.

You may avoid eye contact. You only look when you know the other person is looking at something else, rather than holding eye contact.

You look down. You avoid conflict by averting your eyes, rather than looking the person you are speaking with directly in the eyes.

You adopt a submissive posture. You make yourself smaller and take up less space, rather than spreading out and making yourself comfortable.

You speak with a soft voice, rather than a strong deep voice.

You follow, rather than lead mentally and logistically.

Start consciously working on reducing these types of gestures in every situation, not just when you’re talking to women. You will find that when you change the state of your body it will change the state of your mind. Walk tall, shoulders back, chin up, look people directly in the eye, hands at your sides, move slowly and take up space. Give it a rip, and let me know how it goes in the comments below.

-Gary

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1. How To Use Dominant Body Language
2. Understanding A Woman’s Body Language

Which do you like better, the before or after shot? A rhetorical question, I know. It is common knowledge that men are visual creatures and women are emotional creatures, however women still want you to look good.  We men instantaneously make snap  judgments about which women we think are hot and want to shag. Guess what – women do the same thing, even though they don’t talk about it as openly (usually) and harshly as men do. Men who workout and keep themselves in shape will naturally attract more women for a variety of reasons.

Given the obesity statistics of most of the developed nations, it’s clear that most people are flat out ginormous and out of shape. This means that the majority of your competition vying to date the best women will probably be a little flabby. This is good news for you if you’re in this category.

When you get in shape and lose the extra insulation, you will notice a strange phenomenon. You will notice women you don’t know looking at you differently. They will smile at you more frequently and meet your eyes. Bottom line – they will find you more attractive just like you did with the picture above. You become more pleasing to the eyes.

When you’re in shape, it communicates that you care about your appearance and how you present yourself to the world. It also shows that you are capable of managing and taking care of yourself. If you can’t take care of yourself, how could you take care of her?

Another side benefit: when you watch your body transform from working hard and eating right it will dramatically boost your self confidence. Women can smell self confidence from a mile a way, and lack of it can be a deal breaker.

Rise above the obesity herd and get your ass in shape

Action Plan:

1. Create an exercise plan TODAY, not tomorrow, not Monday today. March yourself down to the local gym and sign up. If money is an issue do push ups, sit ups, squats, and pull ups in your garage or house and run sprints on the street.

2. Eat better today. You know what’s good for you and what isn’t. McDonalds…baaaaaad. Salads with olive oil for dressing…gooooood.

-Gary

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2.    Never let anyone else ruin your fun.  Your significant other or friend is being a jackass? Leave the area and call some people who are and want to be around you.  Don’t put up with any bullshit, ever.  If you do it once you will do it again.  The less you put up with, the more people will respect you and the more you will respect yourself for having integrity.

3.    Don’t let your job take over your life.  Make sure you have free time to clean your house, clean your desk, and maintain other friendships.  Make it a point to spend at LEAST one night a week with friends that you have a great time with.

4.    Become a constant learner.  When you meet someone new try to learn as much as you can from them if they specialize or work in something you have never done before.  The more you know, the more you can talk about and better relate to people from different walks of life.

5.    Socialize with everyone that crosses your path.  Say Hi to the coffee guy and ask him how his day is going. Don’t be that person who works from 9-5 and doesn’t say a word to anyone in the office.  Don’t be cheesy about it either..don’t walk around with a shit eating grin plastered on your face all day.  Just acknowledge the prescence of others and ask them something about what they do and how its going.  “Hey Bob, how was the hike?”  etc  People love it when you remember detail about their lives.

6.    Don’t do the same thing day in day out.  Do something fun, different, and exciting.  The people that complain that life is so boring and monotonous aren’t living; they’re waiting to die.

7.    Work hard, play hard, and know how to really relax. Make sure you’re getting at least 7 hours of sleep.

-Gary

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1. Confidence Boosters #2
2. Confidence Boosters #1

1.    Know that it is ok to fail. A key to maintaining high self worth is to acknowledge that failure is part of life. If you’re not failing, you’re not growing. Take risks and learn from them if you fail. Failure is only acknowledged when you have stopped trying.

2.    Learn a new skill. You’ll increase what you know, what you can talk about, and you will become a more interesting person.  It will allow you to better enjoy all life has to offer and in turn will make you view each day as something new and exciting.  Take a yoga/martial arts/painting/cooking/language/computer/music class, etc.

3.    Exercise every day. There are literally thousands of positive reasons to exercise. It will decrease your bad cholesterol, increase your good cholesterol, lower blood triglycerides, decrease blood pressure, decrease stress, helps you lose weight, gain muscle, increase your self image, increase your self confidence, fend off heart disease, and give you more energy throughout the day. This run on sentence just touches the surface of the benefits of living an active life style.

4.    Eat a top notch diet. You will feel better about yourself and have the energy to remain positive through the day. Eat to live, don’t live to eat.

5.    Care about your appearance. Walk tall, shoulders back, head up, eyes forward (NOT at the ground). Look people directly in the eyes when you speak with them. Do not fear eye contact. Don’t stare like a statue though; you don’t want to look creepy either.  Look away once in a while.  When you adopt confident body language you will become more confident.  When you adopt submissive and defensive body language you will be feel less confident. Changing the state of your body will change the state of your mind.

-Gary

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1. Confidence Boosters #1
2. Confidence Boosters #3

2. Know that your time is valuable.  You have the right to be annoyed when people waste it by not being on time, keeping you waiting, bailing on you, etc.

3. Know that you have the ability to learn and accomplish anything with enough persistence, blood, sweat and tears.

-Gary

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Confidence Boosters #1 is a post from: The Geeks Guide To Dating Blog

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1. Confidence Boosters #2
2. Confidence Boosters #3