It’s been said time and time again you can open or ice break the with practically anything. You can just say “Hi” or something random.  The first thing you say isn’t always heard, so it’s not too critical. What matters most is your…

attitude, energy, body language and delivery.  It has to be said in a fun, non-serious, upbeat way.

Funny Openers and Icebreakers

• Shit, I had the best pick-up line I was gonna use on you…but I just forgot it
• Nice skirt, I just saw a few other women with the same one!
• What’s worse? Starving yourself or eating McDonald’s?
• I’ve got this really terrible itch between my shoulder blades that I can’t reach….would you be so kind as to scratch it for me *turn your back to her*…oh that’s much better, thank you *turn around*

• My friends and I were having a bet whereby the loser (gesture at yourself) has to go up to the most beautiful women in the bar and ask her out for a date… So I just wanted to ask you..Who do you think is the most beautiful woman in this bar?

Funny Lines That Can be Injected Into Conversation (Not Icebreakers or Openers)

It’s good to have at least a few funny one liners you can rattle off during a conversation to keep the energy up and laughter frequent.

• If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
• Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
• Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
• Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
• Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
• I bought an ant farm about a month ago and those lazy little bastards haven’t grown shit…
• Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

How To Transition From Icebreaker / Opener to Touching

You: Hey do you do any drugs..and alcohol doesn’t count
Girl: yes/no
You: (if yes)  so are you a bad girl?
(if no) so are you a good girl?

Girl: yes/no (if she says yes or no just act like you don’t believe her)
You: No way I don’t believe you! Prove it!
Girl :Really I am! Just ask my friend! hey (friend) tell him I’m a good/bad girl!

You:  Ok, I guess you are a good/bad girl…I love good/bad girls give me a hug.  Oh whats that smell is that me? (smell your shirt) no is it your hair (lightly smell her hair while your close to her) wow great stuff! smell my first does it smell anything like it, or is it just you?

Basically what you’re doing here is first making her qualify herself in the good/bad girl routine. then you quickly start initiating physical contact so she knows you’re not looking for a friend.

-Gary

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Ever been in a conversation with a woman that’s going nowhere?  When you can almost feel the heavy silent awkwardness in the air?

This is a lot more common than you may think when two people don’t know each other well and lack conversation skill. Luckily, there are ways to get a great conversation going again.

Socially awkward and shy guys tend to dread these conversations.  A conversation will run out of energy when you talk about things that are not important to either of you.  Once you can zero in on a subject that you both find interesting or important you can talk about it tirelessly.

So, the key here is to find what her favorite subject is.

How do you do this?

Ask a lot of questions!  Pay close attention to the answers.

Watch closely as she answers for signs of high interest in the topics that are being discussed such as increased vocal variety and expressions of excitement. Keep asking more questions to drill in further about the subject at hand.

Avoid asking closed questions – those that require a “yes” or “no” to fully answer.  Open ended questions are always the best.

Closed question example: “Do you know what you want?”

Open question example: “How did you get into gymnastics?”

Open ended questions can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” The main idea of an open ended question is to illicit a thoughtful answer.  It will give her a chance to talk about something that is meaningful to her.

Open ended questions will make your conversations run smooth and become much more enjoyable.

-Gary

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If you’re not immediately comfortable talking with new people or talking to new women you’ve just met, you may find it hard to make lasting connections with them. You also might find it harder to make friends in general.

A mistake people make is that they tend to put a lot pressure on themselves when trying to make a good impression on someone they don’t know.  This makes it more difficult to have a memorable conversation and connect with someone due to all your nerves being jacked up.

When you first start talking to new women, you don’t have to ensure that you say something witty or clever right from the start.  Stop trying so hard.  Let yourself just be ordinary, and talk about fairly normal stuff (at least at the beginning).

You will not win woo women and make friends by trying to show off.  This is an important tip when speaking with women. They see through most of the bullshit, the smart ones do at least.

When you worry about every word coming out properly when you’re approaching or talking to a woman, you’re just making it harder on yourself.  Women can smell a nervous guy a mile away.  Relax and enjoy the presence of someone new.

Simple formula to make another person feel like you had a great conversation:

Listen 80%

Talk 20%

Everyone’s favorite subject is themselves.

For a successful conversation, it’s more important to be a good listener than it is to be an AMAZING speaker.

If you want to quickly make a good connection with someone, shortly after meeting move the conversation to a more personal level and skip the bullshit small talk.  Ask questions that most people would only ask friends they have known for a while, as long as they are not too intrusive.  Pay close attention to how she reacts. If she reacts positively, keep leading the conversation down that same path.  Ask questions that drill deeper into the same subject or ask a question about something they just said.  Just keep them talking and actually listen. Smile and nod occasionally so she knows you’re still there if she’s on a roll.

That’s the fundamental concept for talking to a new woman and making a good connection in the first conversation. Also, avoid fidgeting and nervous movements. If you start to feel an awkward silence make your escape and ask for a number, or if your realized she’s not your type just say “gotta run, it was nice meeting you.”

-Gary

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Dating and meeting women for shy men can be quite a harrowing experience.  You may feel like you will never find a date while your friends whip through girlfriend after girlfriend.

Shy guys tend to enjoy explaining to everyone how amazingly nice they really are and how well they would care for a girl if they had one.  In the game of dating, overly nice guys usually finish dead last.

First of all stop saying that you’re shy and nice all the time.  It makes you look like a wimp.  Women aren’t going to wait for you to stop being shy and make the first move, from approaching to the first kiss.  If you can’t get over your shyness you may never get a long term girlfriend.

Being shy and un-assertive also makes you appear more feminine and less masculine – not good.  It’s generally acceptable for a woman to get away with being shy, but it unfortunately doesn’t work for guys when it comes to attracting high quality women. If she can feel like she can walk all over you there will be no attraction.

No one is going to do the approaching women, talking to women, and making first moves for you.  You’re going to have to crack the shell man.  It makes you look weak.  To attract women, you need to appear dominant and strong.  Not just physically, I mean mentally, socially, and emotionally.  A woman needs to know she can count on you and a shy guy doesn’t project that.

-Gary

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As you’re waiting in line at the local Starbucks, a super hot woman woman walks in. The first thing you do not want to do is look her up and down like wolf who just found fresh meat. Get your milk and artificial sweetener and plan your attack.

There are a few nice things about coffee shops.

• No shortage of women going in and out
• If it’s a local artsy type of place, you will probably be pre-filtering party girls if that’s not what you’re looking for
• You already have something in common – good coffee

keep in mind your main objective with approaching is always getting either a phone number or email. The “close” is getting the number or email address, don’t worry about getting any further at this point when you’re doing approaches.

It can be a bit intimidating to approach a woman with a crowd of people around. But, who says you have to ask for her number right there, with your caffeinated spectators? You don’t, wait until your outside to ask for her number, but start flirting inside.  Make asking her for her number almost as an after thought, like “hm, maybe I’ll see what she’s up too tonight.” Make sure you don’t come from a place of neediness.

To approach her without it being awkward, she has to be in some proximity to you. Listen to what she orders. Say “Hmm that sounds good! I might try that… If it sucks, you better give me a refund” then wink and smile.

If she’s really lean, and she orders a frou-frou drink without whip cream and with skim milk,  you could bust out the Napolean Dynamite line “I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.”

Or, while “deciding what you want” let her get in front of you, then say a couple minutes later “ok, well I know what I want now, I’ll have blah blah …oh yeah and tell him no sugar, since you cut me..you owe me BIG TIME”

Don’t frequent the same coffee shop too often to pick up women or you’ll become that guy that the store employees and legit customers can’t stand but can’t find a way to get rid of.

Keep it fun and always think of approaching women as just having fun and trying to have a good time with people around you, not like you are trying to get something out of her.

Implement and practice!

-Gary

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From Urban Dictionary

If you often have trouble creating close and meaningful relationships with friends or girls you meet, you may be doing some things that make you appear socially awkward. Here are some ways to not be socially awkward.

1. Nothing is more awkward than a nervous, shy, and un-friendly person.  Adopt a sunny, (at least semi) extroverted outlook and befriend the world around you.  Make small talk (BS innocuous questions like “hows the weather?”)  with the people you see everyday. Slow down your gestures and move deliberately.

2. Learn how to be funny in a way that is actually funny. When you crack a joke, and no one laughs, just kind of looks at you funny, or gets pissed off, it’s probably time to work on this aspect of your game. Being funny and having a sense of humor is something that can be learned.

3. Embrace the gaps of silence in conversation. It’s perfectly normal to not be talking at all times. Being comfortable with the natural gaps in conversation is a big sign of a self-assured and high confidence person.

4. Avoid talking about anything too sexually crude, especially if it’s a woman you just started seeing. Remember, when your out on a date your not in the locker room or Barrens chat.

5. Avoid sharing stories that you should probably keep to yourself, like that time you screamed like a girl crapped yourself when you watch The Ring.

6. Don’t ask people questions that will put them on the spot or make them uncomfortable when you don’t know them well. When someone is with you, they want to remember having fun with you, not stress and weird questions.  If there is something you want to ask that you wouldn’t want to be asked, don’t ask it.

-Gary

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When most guys think about approaching a woman they tend to make nervous movements, speak rapidly, freeze up, or explode into a pile of nerves leading to rejection.  Usually, the hotter the girl the higher the nervous factor. There are a few simple and easy ways to dismantle your approach anxiety.

A good way to dismantle this type of thinking is to remember that on the inside whether she’s hot, average, or ugly, fat, skinny, etc we’re all the same anatomically (mostly). Another way to shed some anxiety is to immediately look for her flaws to help you realize she isn’t perfect either. See my previous entry Chop Down The Pedestal for more on this subject.

This will help you deal with being rejected as not every woman you talk too is going to like you, no matter what you do. It will help reduce how much you feel like you lost or failed. Remember, she isn’t any more valuable than YOU are, so if she gave you the cold shoulder, it’s her loss.

You have to come from a place of feeling like you are the most important person in your world. Anyone else who is allowed into your world should feel privileged to know you. Also, the more you do it, the less you will feel like you have lost over time.  Turn approaching women into a game, or think of it a social experiment until you get good at it, detach yourself from any negative emotions you may have experienced before from rejection.

Action Plan: Go to a public place like a mall and approach 10 women. We’re not trying to get phone numbers, just getting comfortable speaking to random women and coming up to them cold. This is what you do make eye contact and say “hey, you are absolutely gorgeous and I had to stop you to tell you…<she replies> I have to get going, unfortunately tight on time” wave and leave. Very simple, just give a compliment and have some fun with it. Do it and let me know how it goes.

-Gary

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Here are some common things women have told me they dread and can’t stand when guys say them, enjoy.

1. On The First Bunch Of Dates: “We this..” “We that…” “We should..”

When you start saying things like “Oh, we should go to that sushi place….” or “I’ll take you out on my boat next time” or “We’ll definitely do that!” on the first or second date it reveals that you are very into her, she has you by the cajones and the fun is over. Don’t let her know she has won you over so easily. You don’t want to be that jackass who says he would love to put a ring on her finger after the first date.

2.  “How many guys have you had sex with?”

If you want to start a budding relationship off with oodles of tension, this is how you do it. I mean, honestly do you really want to know? You’re with her and that’s all that matters. It shows a big lack of confidence by having to ask this question in the early stages.

3. “I left you a message but you didn’t call me..whats up with that?”

Never let a woman know in the early stages of dating that her not calling you back bothers you. If you do, it shows again, you are way too into her too early and the game is over. Be busy, don’t give a crap if she doesn’t call you back, don’t give it any thought and most important don’t speak about it. The rules of course change when it comes to longer lasting relationships.

4. “So….Do you like me?”

If you want crank her attraction dial down into the negatives this is the question to ask. Of course she likes you, she’s with you isn’t she?

5. “What do you want to do?”

Be a leader, have a plan, and take charge. It’s very important in the early stages that you show that you in fact know how to be a man.

6. “Is it ok if I kiss you?”

No talking – just do it.

-Gary

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A lot of people aren’t exactly sure how text messages can be used as an attraction tool, so I outlined some of my favorite ways of using text messages to flirt.

• If you have been living in a cave and don’t already know all the netspeak such as omg, lol, cul8r, <3 etc,  check out netlingo.com and learn the common sayings.

• Tease heavily and use it as a tool to build up sexual tension. If you’re already dating someone, you can send her a text message in the morning about what you you’re going to do to her when she gets home. That way, she will be thinking about you all day and will probably want to jump your bones by the time you walk in the door.  By sending the first message in the morning, you create anticipation for the good times to come.

• This is one of the few times I would advocate using smiley faces because tone is lost in text messages. Use the wink face ; ) when you are saying something that could be taken as mean to show that you are saying it in a playful manner. Don’t overuse text faces however, you don’t want every message you send to have a wink or a smile face   Use them sparingly and only when necessary.

• If the textversation (made up a new word!) goes dry — let it. Don’t always be the one trying to keep the conversation going.  A magical thing happens you stop trying so hard to keep a woman’s attention. In most cases, if you’ve done things right and she is attracted to you, your phone should have a new text on it within the day or next day.

• Make sure the way you flirt through text messages is also the way you flirt in person. Consistency is key.

• If she doesn’t respond immediately to a question don’t nag and bug for an answer. It’s just plain annoying.  If you need an answer to a question that bad call. She could be busy and you don’t want to appear clingy.

• Don’t always respond to messages immediately either. Keep her waiting a bit sometimes, even if you’re not busy. It will help keep her interested if you’re not always instantly available.

-Gary

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How To Flirt Using Text Messages is a post from: The Geeks Guide To Dating Blog

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1. How To Start A Flirty Text Conversation With Girls