If you’re not immediately comfortable talking with new people or talking to new women you’ve just met, you may find it hard to make lasting connections with them. You also might find it harder to make friends in general.
A mistake people make is that they tend to put a lot pressure on themselves when trying to make a good impression on someone they don’t know. This makes it more difficult to have a memorable conversation and connect with someone due to all your nerves being jacked up.
When you first start talking to new women, you don’t have to ensure that you say something witty or clever right from the start. Stop trying so hard. Let yourself just be ordinary, and talk about fairly normal stuff (at least at the beginning).
You will not win woo women and make friends by trying to show off. This is an important tip when speaking with women. They see through most of the bullshit, the smart ones do at least.
When you worry about every word coming out properly when you’re approaching or talking to a woman, you’re just making it harder on yourself. Women can smell a nervous guy a mile away. Relax and enjoy the presence of someone new.
Simple formula to make another person feel like you had a great conversation:
Listen 80%
Talk 20%
Everyone’s favorite subject is themselves.
For a successful conversation, it’s more important to be a good listener than it is to be an AMAZING speaker.
If you want to quickly make a good connection with someone, shortly after meeting move the conversation to a more personal level and skip the bullshit small talk. Ask questions that most people would only ask friends they have known for a while, as long as they are not too intrusive. Pay close attention to how she reacts. If she reacts positively, keep leading the conversation down that same path. Ask questions that drill deeper into the same subject or ask a question about something they just said. Just keep them talking and actually listen. Smile and nod occasionally so she knows you’re still there if she’s on a roll.
That’s the fundamental concept for talking to a new woman and making a good connection in the first conversation. Also, avoid fidgeting and nervous movements. If you start to feel an awkward silence make your escape and ask for a number, or if your realized she’s not your type just say “gotta run, it was nice meeting you.”
-Gary
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